So, you’re coming in from Florida, fresh off the bus, stepping into the Lincoln sun, and dreams of joining the elite squadron of NU defenders enter your head. You want to be a Blackshirt, gal darn it and you’re going to work your tail off to get to that point. Well, that’s all well and good, Johnny Q. Linebacker, but there are a few rules and regulations coming your way on your quest to wear black. Have a seat there on the 17 yard line as we go over some of the basics required to don Nebraska’s most coveted practice jersey.

Attitude: First and foremost, Johnny, if you’re going to strike fear into the hearts of quarterbacks and halfbacks alike, you’re going to have to believe in the job you’re meant to do. Take a look at the legacy for a moment. Mike Croel, Ed Stewart, Terrell Farley, Jason Peter, are you seeing a trend, here? These were all bad, bad men who not only enjoyed the work, they reveled in it. Take the time to acclimate yourself to the fact you want to be the biggest, most imposing suckah this side of Terry Tate. Now, don’t get confused here, Johnny. Attitude does not equate to trash talking. I can appreciate it if it is both done properly and, now this is important, BACKED UP. Do NOT tell Vince Young that you are going to be in his backfield all day and then spend the afternoon picking yourself up off of the FieldTurf, comprende?

Hitting: One of the finer aspects of defense is the knowledge that once the ball is in someone’s hands, you as a Blackshirt have carte blanche to mess that foo’ up! So what’s your goal? Simple. Look to elicit an “OHHHHHHH!” from the Memorial Staidum crowed coupled by cheers and applause in appreciation for your bad-assedness, ya feel meh? This goes for you and all of your teammates be they DE, OLB or DB. The want and desire to inflict some pain will serve you well ESPECIALLY if a playa has mad disrespect for his body in that regard. Now, don’t be stupid and get yourself seriously injured on my part, just be smart and know when you can make the play, Johnny. Know when and capitalize, that’s the key in this business. Just a sidenote? The League LOVES a speedy, big hitter. Take that to the bank and not the fake bank, the real people’s money bank where they give away lollipops and call you “Sir” without adding “you’re making a scene.”

Appreciation: One man does not a team make, Johnny. We can slot you out there against the Miami Hurricanes and your ass is going to be flambéed in about five. Captainship is one thing, arrogance is another. There’s no “I” in team, no pain no gain, winning isn’t a “sometime” thing, it’s an “all-the-time” thing, etc. It takes 11 to make an offense confused, weary and generally irritable and as a linebacker, accept and appreciate the fact that you have four in front of you to make things tight for all concerned in the backfield and four behind you in the event that a bomb is lobbed over your head like a roasted pig through the Springfield sky, there is hope. Also, these brothers are not just a safety valve, they are there relying on you to clean up a mess. When the wipeouts are locked down and there’s no one who is a threat to the end zone but Alfred P. Weatherbury III, you have but one option: MESS HIS ASS UP! “OHHHHHHHHH!”

Love and Respect: Now, as a unit, they usually don’t come much better than the vaunted Blackshirts, but outside of what the media or even I would lead you to believe, you’ve got 10 other brothers and friends out there. After your starting DE makes a sack, high-five, hug, lift, butt-slap, whatever makes you comfortable, let him know that his work is respected. Off the field? Pal around with your bosom Blackshirt buddies. Catch an ice cream social, a drive-in movie or whatever it is you kids are doing these days with your hip hop music and Fruit by the Foot. The key is admiration and love for the guys around you. Master that little tidbit and you will be well served. Like Rick James said after clubbing Charlie Murphy, it’s all about “UNNNNNIITTYYYYYY!”

Now that we’ve laid some ground rules for your apprenticeship, Johnny, there are some position-specific requirements drafted by the Blankman Industrial Defense Coordination Department, or BIDCD, that I feel will help you feel acclimated into the role you’re going to be thrust into at a moment’s notice.

Defensive Ends: If you’re doing to be a Blackshirt defensive end, you’re not only going to need to have the requirements listed above, but I feel it would serve you well to have complete contempt for the opposing quarterback. Why, you may ask? Simple strategy, my friend. Cut the head off and the snake dies. This isn’t to say we want to purposely injure a QB, no. Sack him, rattle him and smack him around some. Make his life miserable and his throws inaccurate so that your DB brothers can notch up their pick statistics. Also, bonus points if you’ve been working out hard with Dave Kennedy and stuff your jersey under your pads to expose the abs ala Grant Wistrom. On that note? If you’re going to pick #98 then PLEASE be prepared to work your ass off to attain what the former All-American who wore it did.

Defensive Linemen: Blackshirt D-linemen are more of a means to an end, but a vital cog in the machine. Your primary roles would be to make the middle as tough to puncture as a balloon full of White Castle hamburger along with spreading the runs to the outside to allow your DE brethren to notch up their sack totals. If you do manage to sneak past an unsuspecting offensive lineman and get into the backfield? Make the most of it. Tackles for loss, sacks, fumbles, etc. are vital here once the opportunity presents itself. Also, if you return a fumble or, God willing, an interception for a touchdown? Spiking the ball is against NCAA rules…but in certain situations, we can overlook it. How often do you see a 300-pounder race down the sidelines to the promised land, after all?

Linebackers: No, we haven’t forgotten about you, Johnny! Being a Nebraska linebacker means you get to have the most flexibility of any position on the defense. Not only can you run stop but you can also fade back into pass coverage. Big hits, the occasional interception and pass breakup along with QB hurries and sacks are the name of the game here. Bonus points if you have a cool name. It doesn’t have to be saucy like “Demorrio”, “Carlos” or “Octavious”, it can be rough and tumble like “Barrett”. Also, last names are a BIG plus. Major bonus points if your last name is some manner of mediaeval weaponry such as “Sword” or “Mace” or even if it’s some manner of animal such as “Hawk” or “Lions”.

Defensive Backs: Ah, the last line of defense between a running back and wide out on their way to pay dirt. With this knowledge in mind, make sure to note that you can and will make the necessary plays. It doesn’t matter who you go up against, you MUST realize that if you believe, you can achieve. Also? Single digit DBs are pretty coo’, so if you have #1? You’d BEST know what you’re doing out there, lest you make me look any more the fool than I already do. Oh, and if you happen to have the last name “Brown”? Chances are, you’ll do pretty well here.

So, there it is, Johnny, a full primer on getting you the jersey you so desire. Just know that you’ve got a full program at your disposal: Weight training, nutrition, fine coaching and other players with ability who have been down the same road as you. It’ll take time and a lot of hard work, but maybe some day, you’ll go to your locker and find that black practice jersey hanging from inside. Oh and Johnny? Coach Cal called. He said you’re doing gassers at 6 A.M. for being late.

Questions, commentary and Nebraska letterman’s jackets can be sent to: Blankman71@cox.net

===Brandon a.k.a. Blankman #71===

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